Whiskey Under The Mistletoe
by Onyx-Wildcat
Summary: It's Christmas and the Winchesters are waiting anxiously for an old friend to arrive. But what she doesn't know...is that when she gets there... The gift they have in store, will turn her world upside down. Adult Content 'Part Of The Whiskey Series'
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Whiskey Under The Mistletoe**  
**Author: **Onyx Wildcat  
**Chapters: **5 **-Finished-**  
**Rating: **R  
**Pairing:** Dean/Onyx/Sam  
**Archiving: **Supernatural Atlantis/Bad Moon Rising/FanFiction(dot)net  
**Warnings: **Language, Drunken Stupidity and Sexual Content  
**Spoilers:** Mentions things throughout the series, but is based off their Christmas episode.  
**Feedback:** Always welcome, but please, no bashing.  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything that pertains to the Show Supernatural. This is merely for non-profit entertainment for other writers/readers who enjoy the 'What If' pondering when thinking of Supernatural and all it's Supernatural goodness.  
**Onyx's Note: **This is the continuation of **'I Need Whiskey'** which originally was a short drabble of me being a total goof. I started writing this a month or so before Christmas and found myself still adding to it until today (1'4'08). And oh boy...what originally was meant as another short, has become a 5 chapter story about the boys wanting to see Onyx for Christmas. It's intense and actually is inspired by my girls, Amy (aimsame) Dee Dee (angelsdee) Tareena (montecarlogurl87) and all the rest in Supernatural Atlantis. So ladies, this story is my late Christmas present to you. Oh...the car I mention in this story... Is actually based on fact. Her name is Ghost and boy does she purr. On that note, Enjoy!  
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**-Whiskey Under the Mistletoe-**

**Prologue**

Whiskey, thick and burning as it slithers down the back of your throat and pools a bittersweet sensation of intoxicating warmth within your stomach. A poison so beautifully wrong, it can only be right when the world seems like it's threatening to swallow you whole. That strong sting of alcohol has always sought me out to comfort me. Which interestingly enough, was the very thing I needed the night I met the Winchesters.

In a dim and smoky bar I had unknowingly found two lifelong friends. Who'da thought? It was all an accident really… I blame Ellen.

I met the boys almost a year ago in a bar where I had been reading Stephen King's Pet Sematary. Sammy was the one to make the first move, which was a surprise to me. I'd figured I would've been the one that had to make the first approach. There's irony for ya. I wasn't quite sure what to make of them at first. Seeing as I've always been the loner type. Probably not the safest route for a young female Hunter. But it's all I've ever known, so why spoil a good thing? My thoughts exactly.

Anyway, after a few hours of nursing whiskey and sharing similar thoughts on a great many topics, I found myself trapped inside a small bubble of comfort. I, being within the center while Sam and Dean had wrapped me in a veil of their auras. As though unconsciously surrounding me in their natural protective energy. The only word to describe it, was family.

Needless to say, after that interesting night, I'd stayed in contact because lets face it, it's Sam and Dean…the best friends a girl could ever have.

There were a few times we met up and had dinner at some mom and pop's diner in the middle of nowhere, just to shoot the shit and have a few laughs. And every time I had the chance to spend some quality time with the boys, I found it harder to convince myself that I wasn't growing…a little soft for'em. I'd tried, the gods know I did. I'd tried to convince myself that I didn't feel comfort when I was around them. That I didn't love the warmth and sense of home I had every time I sat between the two and watched an old horror movie in some run down motel.

And now, almost a year later…after the fire at the roadhouse, the death of that bastard yellow eyes and the gate to hell being opened… I get a phone call from Sam. I'm given the short and ugly version about Sam's death and the deal that was made, by Dean, to bring him back. Needless to say I was Not a happy camper. I think I spent the next fifteen minutes cursing every thing and every one before my temper finally boiled down to a dim simmer. Sam was apologetic of course, trying his best to explain to me that the most important thing at that moment was for me to come out and spend a weekend with them. But I was still pissed off and I just wasn't sure about spending Christmas in a rinky-dink motel room knowing full well that it was possibly one of the last times I was ever going to spend with the boys together. One weekend, just the three of us, enjoying the season. So why the hell would I be complaining? What rational, intelligent female would have any reason to complain?

Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm not much of a Christmas person. Reason? My birthday lands on Christmas Eve and it's never been a good holiday for me. Sam and Dean know that. The joke was always about the three of us celebrating my 24th birthday not on the 24th of December, but on Halloween. One, Halloween is my favorite holiday and Two…there would always be something to Hunt on that day. And what's better than spending Halloween celebrating my birthday with my two best friends while taking down a demon or two?

So now, here I am, driving up to the motel their staying at while families are all nestled around their overly large Christmas trees. Which of course, are probably covered in elaborate, over the top, highly expensive Christmas decorations with a huge pile of presents waiting for the kids to tear into when the morning comes.

Personally, I'd rather be sitting out on the patio of my small apartment, wrapped in a warm blanket, drinking coffee, smoking a cigarette and reading a good book while the night surrounds me with its chilly darkness.

The things I do for love…

*****  
**Chapter One**

"Who is it?" I heard Dean's raspy voice behind the door and pulled my jacket closer to my body from the cold breeze dancing around me.

"It's me." I said and could hear more movement behind the door.

"Me who?"

"Damn it Dean Winchester! Who the hell do you think it is?" I snapped and the door unlocked, then opened flooding me in a shower of soft golden light. "About damned time!" I exclaimed and stood there, staring into two beautiful faces. Their eyes gazing down at my five foot four frame with an expression of mixed emotions I just couldn't read. I shifted uncomfortably under their heavy stare and opened my mouth to speak when Sam and Dean charged forward and literally tackled hugged me. And I don't mean a bear-hug. I'm talkin' full-on-contact-sport kind of hug that if it wasn't for their arms nearly squeezing the air out of me, I would've fallen square on my ass.

"Guys…guys!" I wheezed out as Dean's face nuzzled into the left side of my neck, his chest pressed painfully against mine while Sam had his arms wrapped tightly around both Dean and myself from behind me, his face buried into the nape of my neck on my right.

"God I missed you." Dean said in a muffled growl, his breath hot against the flesh of my neck. "You have no idea how much…"

I was about to answer him when Sam stopped me by brushing his lips against the other side of my neck. I froze, but it didn't show because of the hold they had on me. At that moment, I was so overwhelmed by their strength that when Sam's voice vibrated against my skin, I had no other choice but to listen. "It's been too long Onyx…" His voice trailed off and I shivered at the intensity of it. Thinking it was the cold, they pulled me in closer, not helping me any. "Far too long."

Finally, I found my voice…even if it was a strangled squeak. "I missed my boys too, but uhm…guys? I'm having a little trouble breathing…"

"Oh." Dean said and reluctantly, pulled back enough to look into my eyes. What I saw there wasn't just joy at being close again…there was something else. A longing much deeper then friendship.

"Sorry Onyx." Sam chimed softly while he too let me go and stood next to his brother. Again was that longing emotion drifting through hazel green eyes. The lines of their faces spoke clearly to me that there was a lot more to just missing me then they were letting on.

I looked up into their eyes and gave a small smile. "It's okay, just…a little warning next time." I said and watched their faces light up with the biggest, boyish grins I'd ever seen. It was so adorable it made me smile and shake my head at them. "Yea…I've missed this too…" I chuckled. "You friggin' dorks."

They stood there for a moment just…staring at me. Like I was the last female on Earth. A little awkward? Yea…just a little. "We gonna stand out here all night and freeze? Or you two gonna invite me so I can give you your presents?"

They shuffled around and motioned for me to go in first when Dean stepped in front of me. "Wait!" He said and brought his hands up to halt my progress. "You can't go in yet."

I frowned. "Why the hell not?" I watched Dean look over my shoulder to Sam and noticed a smile play over his lips when everything went dark. "Hey!" I started to protest while Sam covered my eyes with his hands.

"Easy killer." Dean said in that sarcastic voice and I let out a soft growl.

"It's a surprise." Sam added, his breath hot as it tickled against my hair making my body go just a little more tense from all the damned physical contact they'd already given me.

"Come on guys! I just drove all over hell and back and I'm really not in the mood…"

I was cut off when another hand, obviously Dean's, was placed over my mouth and I was ushered inside. Unable to really do more then go along, I walked a few feet forward until Dean's free hand pressed gently against the center of my stomach to stop me. I let out an exaggerated sigh and let my hands fall loosely to my sides in defeat. Can't fight it, might as well play along. Right?

"Keep your eyes closed, okay?" Sam said and waited for Dean to take his hand away from my mouth so I could respond.

"I will."

I could hear the sarcastic tone in Dean's voice. "That didn't sound very convincing…"

I felt the temperature rise and I knew it wasn't from Sam's body behind me. I counted to ten, took a quick breath and hoped to hell my voice came out controlled. "I swear on my own soul I will keep my eyes closed." And I wanted to add, 'and then I'm going to royally kick your ass.' But I didn't. Point for me.

The pulsing heat of Sam's skin faded as he took his hands away from my face and for a moment… I wished he hadn't.

The cool air rushed over my face and I could still feel the skin around my eyes tingle from the memory of his hands being there…and somewhere deep inside I heard a tiny voice plead for that warmth to return…and it bothered me. Big time.

Let me make something very clear, I'm not an actions first, think later kind of person. Sure I'm passionate. For guns, blades, cars and Hunting, not necessarily in that order but you get the idea. Losing myself to the desire-type passion when it's presented to me? Not so much. Prude? No, practical? You bet your ass I am.

"Open your eyes." Sam whispered softly into my right ear and instantly my eyes fluttered open. And what I saw…left me speechless.

A makeshift Christmas tree made of odds and ends that just made me smile. "Who made it?" I asked and walked over to it to admire the work from up close.

"Sammy made it even after he'd told me he didn't want to celebrate this year."

I turned away from the creative object and brought my eyes to Sam who seemed to be finding his feet or maybe it was the carpet, fascinating. "Is that right?" The words rolled slowly off my lips with a hint of accusation as I took a step toward Sam and watched him shift ever so slightly on his feet. Busted.

Figuring I should be gentle with him I tried a softer approach and left the sarcasm out of my voice. "Is it Sam?" I asked and watched as he finally brought his gaze to mine. "Did you really not want to celebrate this year?"

He seemed to think about the question for a moment and looked over to Dean for some kind of brotherly support.

"Hey man, don't look at me. She asked you."

I held my arms across my chest and waited for him to answer me. "Well?"

Brows furrowed, he sighed. "It's true, I didn't want to celebrate Christmas."

Dean scoffed, "but give her your reason."

"What reason?" I asked to no one in particular and looked from Dean to Sam. "Oh wait…" It suddenly occurred to me that I wasn't the only one that found this Christmas thing depressing. "You know what? Never mind." I said and dropped my hands to my sides. The boys looked at me as though I'd grown another head. For me to drop something that quickly without so much as a fight, was not something I was known for doing. Hence the odd looks they were giving me.

So I tried to focus on the good. "We're all here, it's Christmas and I'll be damned if I don't get to enjoy some quality time with the two most important men in my life."

"Interesting choice of words…" Dean muttered under his breath and both Sam and myself shot him a look of death. "Oh hey now, it was a joke!"

We both knew Dean was referring to the 'damned' comment. "Not funny!" Sam and I barked in unison, stopped, shared a look, and finally…when the silence filled the air around us…all three of us burst into laughter. It was just one of those awkward moments where you couldn't do anything else but laugh.

*****


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

"Come on Onyx, it's Christmas. Stop being stubborn and just…"

I cut him off. "Just what?"

Dean gave me a look, "…enjoy it." He said and offered me a small plastic cup filled with some concoction Sam cooked up and I just looked at it like it was going to sprout a head.

"I am so not touching that." I said and crossed my arms tight across my chest. Childish of me, sure. But I never liked Christmas because of my birthday. When I was kid it was great, but as I got older people seemed to forget about me. This situation wasn't any better in my opinion… So… Yea, bah-humbug.

"Onyx…" Sam started to say and I shot him a look. His face seemed to set into an expression of silent desperation. He was trying to give Dean the Christmas he'd wanted and all I was doing was screwing it up. "It's not that strong."

Dean nodded, "see? Sammy's drinking it, so it can't be that bad."

I looked at him from across the old motel room and wasn't sure what to think. It was Dean's last Christmas and I still couldn't stomach the thought of celebrating while knowing, that he wouldn't be there next year. It kinda killed the whole 'Christmas spirit' thing.

"I'm sorry guys…I just…" My voice wavered even though I was fighting to keep my emotions in check. Just thinking about not having Dean around was starting to break me down inside. Not a fun feeling when everyone around you is trying to be cheerful.

I sighed. "Pass me some of Sam's eggnog."

Dean and Sam exchanged a look before Dean leaned over and handed me a plastic cup. I took it and brought the thing to my mouth and before it even reached my lips the very fumes of the alcohol content tickled the inside of my nose. "Jesus Sam, what's in this…high octane?"

Dean gave me a flat look, "would you just drink some."

"Please?" Sam added and didn't help my decision with those damned puppy dog eyes of his.

I shook my head and took a drink. Just as I thought, pure friggin' octane. "Sam…you are sooo not allowed to mix drinks anymore."

Dean and Sam chuckled at my response and took a drink out of their own little cups.

"You gonna open your gift?" Dean asked as a small wrapped package sat untouched on the small coffee table between us.

A single brow rose in question as I glared at Dean. "It's not going to jump up and bite me…is it?"

They just gave me a look.

"Alright, fine… I'll shut up and open it."

"About damned time." Dean muttered and got an elbow in the side from Sam.

I took the small wrapped thing into my hands, noticed it was a Calvin and Hobbes Sunday comic strip, smiled, and looked up, catching Sam's smiling face. "Go ahead, it's… uh, a little something from both of us."

"A sort of, Birthday slash Christmas present." Dean added.

I figured why the hell not and tore the newspaper comic strip paper from the 'gift' and stopped when I realized I was holding a black box. It was too big to be a ring, but wide enough to be a necklace. Oh boy.

Swallowing the lump in the back of my throat I carefully lifted the top and peered inside. My heart stopped. With a shaky hand I gently lifted a silver chain with a circular charm about the size of a quarter out into view and let the silver charm rest against the flesh of my palm. It was an Eye of Horus… The eye itself holding a black Onyx in its center.

"Wow…" Was all I could say as the little box fell into my lap. I held the necklace in my hand and looked up into their quiet faces. They both appeared careful in the way they looked at me, as though afraid of what I might do or say. I couldn't blame them, after all…I was a real pain in the ass sometimes.

Without another word I brought the chain up and around my neck, fastened it in place and allowed the charm to rest against the exposed flesh of my neck. It was cool against my skin as my fingers lightly touched the edges of the charm. I smiled. "It's beautiful." My voice sounded breathy even to me, but at that moment…I didn't care. I didn't care that a familiar sting entered my eyes causing me to bite down on my bottom lip. As if emotions held deep were suddenly flooding over, threatening to spill through to the surface in a wave of cheerful tears.

Dean's face was quiet except for the faintest hint of a smile and slight sheen to his eyes that told me he was touched at my reaction. That was a lot coming from him. And just seeing that caused my chest to tighten. Looking over to Sam didn't help either. In fact, seeing those eyes sparkling with unshed tears made my emotions bubble over. It wasn't until the cool sting of a tear slid well passed my cheek and slipped down to my chin that I realized I'd been crying. Once I realized it, I was screwed. After all the years I'd spent carefully shielding my emotions it took just the smallest thing to break through those barriers. One simple gift, given to me with no strings attached… A gift filled with love… Left me emotionally helpless.

My breath became ragged and I found myself suddenly up and walking across the room to the door. I couldn't do this. Not in front of them. Not on the most important night of the year. My hand was clutching the door handle when I felt someone behind me like a wave of living warmth slamming over the skin of my back. I froze.

The voice that followed was deep and raspy like whiskey sliding over aged sandpaper. A voice that was raw with emotion. It was Dean. "Onyx wait." His breath was hot against the back of my neck, a lot closer then I thought he was. It made me tense up. I wanted to run. I did not want him to see the pain on my face. I couldn't do that to him. Not now. Not when he needed this night to be happy. And all I was doing was screwing it up by being so fucking…female.

"No Dean." My voice was harsh from strangled emotions and I cursed myself inwardly for allowing this to happen. "I need some fresh air." I said with a little more control, closed my eyes, and focused on my breathing. I waited and hoped like hell he'd just back off and let me go outside where I could be alone. But of course, this is Dean we're talkin' about. Would he just let me walk out that door without a fight? Hell no. He was a Winchester. They never knew the meaning of giving up.

Before I could even think to move or speak I felt the warmth of his hand slide ever so carefully around my waist until the very palm of his hand rested on my stomach. I went rigid. He'd never touched me like this before. Never with any sensuality like he was touching me now. It was as if all the things he'd always wanted to say and couldn't, were suddenly pouring into me through the contact of his flesh just over mine. Through the material of my shirt I could feel his energy filling my pores. The breath caught in my throat at the intensity of it.

And just when I started to even grasp what was happening Sam was suddenly there, just behind me, to the right of Dean… His hand now placed ever so gently on my wrist as though willing my hand to slip away from the door. As soon as his warm flesh wrapped firmly against mine, I felt a surge of white hot energy swim into my system. It was amazing and terrifying all in one sweet sensation. Sam's energy swept through me and was met by Dean's rumbling current causing a spark of something wild to mingle inside me. I felt it twist and writhe as our energies slithered and churned deep inside as though seeking something to hold onto. It became a great mass of pulsing emotion that swept away all the pain and doubts, overwhelming me with this immense sense of peace… Surrounding me…consuming me in this sea of warmth… Their warmth, their love…pouring through me causing me to float within myself. A sensation of feeling weightless and yet so very heavy. I didn't know where they began…or I ended. A circle of power began to flow through us and I started to feel dizzy with the sensation of it. I couldn't move, couldn't think… I was immersed, consumed…numb with feeling.

Sam was the one to bring us back when he gently pulled my wrist away from the door and toward the heat of his tall frame. Unable to fight it I was pulled with the movement, turned around so that I was now facing him. Dean's arm wrapped around my waist, his fingers splayed out over my stomach as though claiming me with his fingertips. Sam's hand engulfed my wrist while his thumb brushed gently back and forth over my skin. I blinked and for a moment, felt myself coming back into the tingling energy of my own body as if my mind had drifted to another place while I was fighting the peaceful sea they poured over me.

"What…" I struggled to speak but heard my voice come out in a rasp of sound. I tried again. "What just happened?" My voice was strong that time, more like me, which was good.

"I don't know." Sam answered in a voice that was all but a husky growl that didn't help my nerves any. I felt every hair along my spine prickle and stand on end. Shit.

"Whatever that was…" Dean said and got my full attention. His eyes were two drowning hazel green pools that left me standing there like a deer in headlights. His lips, full and soft, stretched slightly as a familiar smirk began to appear. "Was… Kinda cool."

"Cool?" I just looked at him, mouth open. "You both touched me and I felt like I was drowning with energy and you call it… Cool?" I shook my head as a smile played over my lips. "Unbelievable."

"Okay Miss 'I know everything', what do you think it was?" Dean said and stopped the smile on my face by the seriousness in his voice.

Except for the slight distraction of being in close physical contact with the boys, I was back in my body again. Which of course, helped me think with a little more clarity. "I don't know exactly what it was Dean… But I think, maybe, it was a transfer."

"We swapped energy." Sam said as though finishing my thought and I nodded.

"Exactly. But why now? Why not before?" I asked and could feel both of their heartbeats drumming ever so softly with mine. It was odd, sensing that and not feeling clouded. All I felt, down to the very marrow of my bones was a deep sense of unity. I'd always felt safe with them, but it never felt anything like this. But then… I've always known, somewhere within the depths of myself that I was connected with them…and I think it was because secretly… I loved them.

Loved them both as though they were the only thing in my life that made sense. Two men that had taken my heart and made it their own. It wasn't fair. This deep emotional poison flooding through my veins was never meant to surface. Not for them, not for any man. My heart was a broken and angry thing that wanted nothing to do with the safety of love. Because with that emotion is followed by lust, desire, then jealousy, possession and ultimately…abandonment. No, I couldn't love them. Not truly deeply love them when I sure as hell didn't love myself. How can you love something broken? Something unwanted and cast aside like a pair of old, torn up socks that the dog doesn't even want any part of? A thing left to rot. And lets face it…I've never been a chick-flick kind of girl.

"Onyx, you still with us?" I blinked and realized they'd been trying to get my attention but I was obviously somewhere else. Sam and Dean's face were a portrait of worry as my eyes focused on their handsome features.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?" I said and brought my hand to my forehead, my index finger and thumb pinching the tension at the bridge of my nose.

Sam spoke first. "You okay?"

That made me look at him. "Yea, why?"

"You're a bit pale."

I frowned. "I'm not pale."

Dean gave me that look where he had one brow arched. "Yes you are."

I was getting a headache which of course, always makes me grouchy. "Unlike some people, I tend to have a natural ivory skin color."

"No princess, you spend way too much time wandering around at night when you could be getting some sunlight during the day with the rest of the living." Dean said with an edge of sarcasm in his voice.

"Dean do me a favor…"

"What's that?" He said with that cocky and incredibly sexy smile of his.

I turned my body to where we were literally facing each other, placed my free hand on the collar of his shirt and pulled him close to my face…as if I were going to kiss him. Instead I purred, "you're so much prettier when you don't speak." I grinned and started back toward the couch, hoping they wouldn't stop me.

They didn't, but the feeling of their eyes burning into my back made my skin crawl. What the hell was happening to me? Of all the damned times we've spent time together I've never once felt their presence like this. Why not the time when we were all on the couch and I was nestled across Sam's lap, my face resting on his right arm, while his left hand brushed through my hair and the lower half of my body was stretched across Dean's lap and he sat there rubbing my feet. Why not then? I remember falling asleep like that and felt nothing but as content as a well fed cat. And now it felt like I was being tracked by hungry predators that wanted nothing more then to tear me apart.

"Alright boys..." I said ignoring the weight of their eyes on me and sat down in the middle of the couch, giving them a place to sit on either side of me. "Time to open your presents." I was trying to be as normal as possible, even though the air was thick with an aroma that I so did not want to smell.

They moved across the room with an air of curiosity swirling around them as they took their places at my sides. Sam to my right, Dean sitting to my left, both quiet as I motioned for them to take their presents.

Two carefully wrapped, dark blue packages sat idly on the coffee table's surface. The boys didn't move for a long time as they stared down at their gifts.

The size of the packages were just big enough to hold a football in, so maybe that's what was stopping them from tearing into their presents. Or maybe it was the wrapping itself, all deep metallic navy blue that shimmered a cerulean blue green when the light hit it. Maybe they hadn't had anyone take such great care in wrapping a gift for them… Or maybe these gifts waiting so patiently for them to be unwrapped, were the first real Christmas presents they'd seen since they were children. Either way, my patience level was starting to drop. So I reached over, took both presents in each hand and dropped the beautifully wrapped gifts into their laps.

"Don't get weird on me now." I said as they stared down at the gift sitting in their laps with an expression that could only be described as curious terror. What the hell was so damned scary about getting a pretty Christmas present? "Guys…"

Sam looked up from the shimmering package lying silently in his lap and turned his eyes to me. "I almost don't want to open it, the wrapping paper is so…"

Dean finished his little brother's thought, "shiny."

I sighed and slumped back against the couch. "Yes it's shiny. It also happens to be my favorite shade of blue." I said and looked to each carefully blank face, noticing the way they were shielding their emotions from me. "I chose that wrapping paper because it was meant for someone special and both of you happen to be at the top of that list. Now stop being weird and open your damned presents before I do it for you." Right as I finished my sentence, they simultaneously hugged their presents close to their body, as though afraid that I would do just as I said I would. They were right.

"You heard the lady." Dean said to his brother as he leaned forward, readying himself for the moment he'd tear away the wrapping. "Ready?"

Sam leaned forward mirroring his brother's posture. "Yea, I'm ready. On the count of three?"

Dean nodded and I just sat back, shaking my head with a smile on my lips. "Okay… One… Two…"

They never made it to three when that beautiful wrapping paper went flying in shreds all over the couch. The inner black cardboard box was opened and I could almost taste their shock as they went completely still.

They shared a wide eyed look before reaching into the opened box sitting in their laps and brought their gifts to the light. A curved, eight inch blade with a silver gleam stood out brilliantly as their hands gripped the flat black handle. Each blade mirrored the other in their deadly magnificence as the boys stared in awe at the gift they held in their hand.

Their reaction was better then I expected. "You like?"

"These are…great Onyx." Sam exclaimed in a breath of a voice and turned the blade in his hand as though admiring its craftsmanship. I watched him carefully, soaking in the expression on his face as he peered appreciatively at his new weapon. "How…" His voice trailed off as his eyes found mine, forcing me to focus on his gaze.

I smiled. "A friend." I said and didn't mention that the 'friend' was an old and very powerful Shaman that had given me these twin blades when I was just out of high school. I was just on the verge of turning eighteen when he tracked me down. Told me that he had something incredibly special in his bag that he needed me to see. I figured it was another lesson I had to learn from the random yet very insightful teachings the old Shaman would give me whenever he dropped into my neck of the woods. Funny how he always seemed to know exactly where I was…even when I had no clue as to what town or city I would find myself in next.

At the time, I'd found my way back to the desert in southern California, near Palm Springs to be exact. I was in a small town basically in the middle of nowhere when the Old Shaman tracked me down and invited me out into the very desert itself to sit around an old fashioned bonfire. Me, being the lover of all things nature, was more than willing to spend that precious time with my teacher. So there we were in the midst of earth and fire, the spirits close and familiar like a comfortable mist of loving energy that always left me feeling no longer abandoned, but content and loved when he opened a large burlap bag. At first, I thought that perhaps this was the beginning of some sort of test because of all the mysticism floating around in his aura…until he brought out a rather large wooden box from the burlap and set it before the fire. The surface of the wood was a deep rich reddish brown, reminding me of an old cabin or the warm inner quarters of some lavish pirate ship. It seemed a bit too big to have been hidden so well within the burlap bag but I kept that thought to myself.

"This is a gift I have kept from you for quite sometime, young one." He said in that voice that rolled like deep spiritual thunder through every pore throughout my body making me sit a little straighter. If there was ever a living being as close to the greatest power in this universe, it had to be him. But he would completely discourage the thought. He who was so humble, so in tune with the essence of nature and of the great spirit itself… He, my great teacher, would claim it arrogant.

"A gift?" I asked and knew that he would explain everything in time. Damn how I love a dependable man.

"This is a triangle of power." He began to explain as he opened the box revealing the three blades within. The two on either side were a mirror of the other… While the one in the middle, was smaller, more delicate in a sense…but the blade appeared just as deadly. "The center, young one, represents the self. You. The left blade and the right blade, are pieces of yourself that you currently do not posses. They are your life mates, guardians of the flesh as well as the soul."

I know the confusion must have shown on my face because he gave that slight smile of his and waved a hand in dismissal. "You have not met them as of yet, young one."

"How will I know?"

"The blades will call to you, as the Moon calls to the great Seas, you feel the pull and know when it is time."

Cryptic at best. Wonderful. "I'll just know…"

He nodded. "These warriors are brothers, their bloodline runs deep and pure. Just as these blades hold the essence of the Moon and the steel of the Earth. They will need you as you'll need them."

As much as I loved the poeticism of my teacher, sometimes getting to the point made things clearer for me. "Alright old man, can the Guru approach and speak English."

He smiled, brightly and said. "Still so young and impatient… Alright, I'll make this easier to understand. In a few years time you will come across two brothers that are in essence, a part of your life path on this plane. They will be young warriors, walking the same terrible path that you are walking now. They will mean a great deal to you… And a night will come when you will realize they have earned their right to finally accept your gift and therefore take their true place by your side." He paused and placed his hands in his lap. "Was that English enough for you, young Wildcat?"

I couldn't help the shit-eating-grin on my face. "Yes, I got it. You know, you're really good at the whole Mysterious-poet-guru thing… But I like it a lot more when you're your smart-ass self."

He laughed, a rich and joyous sound. "Thank you but I've learned from the best."

"Damn straight." I said and tried to keep a straight face. We locked eyes…and in seconds fell into a fit of laughter.

*****

Now, sitting between the two brothers that were destined to walk with me along this screwed up path… I felt a sense of pride, a sense of peace…and… A terrible sense of uncertainty. I didn't want to lose Dean. As much of a real pain in my ass he'd been, I loved him. And Sam…knowing that he'd died when I should have been there protecting him… Cut me with such a horrible blade of a guilt that I didn't know if it would ever heal.

*****


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three  
**

"Where you going?" Dean asked as I got up, crossed the room and went for the door.

"I need to go out to my car." I paused and turned to see them both on their feet. My brow furrowed. "I forget to bring in the groceries."

I've noticed something with these two, if you mention anything that could possibly resort to food or more alcohol, they'll be perked up like two puppies anticipating a treat. Silly analogy yet strangely accurate.

"Groceries?" Sam said in question and found himself standing to Dean's right as they approached me. "Why didn't you mention it earlier? You know we'd help bring anything you have in."

"You know how much I hate asking for help." I said as though that explained everything and could see the beginnings of a scrunchy face appear just between Sam's brow. "It's not a big deal."

Dean mirrored Sam's expression and crossed his arms. "Onyx, answer me somethin'…" He trailed off as though considering as to how he word his sentence next. "You're not runnin' from something…are you?"

Wow Dean being perceptive. Who'da thought? "Not running. More or less walking to the car actually." Was my smart-ass reply.

"Not alone you're not." Dean said and set his jaw in a stubborn line.

"This isn't a debate, Winchester." I said and felt the humor on my face leak away. "I'm leaving this room and going to my car. Whether you come with me or not is entirely up to you two. Either way," I turned the handle and the door slid open a crack, "I'm going."

I stood there with my gaze locked with Dean's when Sam placed a hand to Dean's upper arm. "Come on Dean, she's not going to run off." He said softly to his brother and then met my gaze. "We'll come with you."

I quirked a brow. "No funny stuff." I said and they both knew who it was directed for because Dean pursed his lips together and blew out a sigh. "Right?"

Dean gave a slight shake of his head. "Yeah, fine." He said and cleared the distance between us with a long stride. He took the door from me, opened it wide and motioned for me to go first. "Let's hurry this up so we can get back to celebrating."

A faint smile ghosted across my lips as I passed the threshold out onto the motel's patio. The cool air danced over my face causing me to sigh. "Mmm, that's nice." I breathed softly and waited for Sam to stand at my left, Dean to my right.

"Whoa, where'd she come from?" Dean exclaimed while facing the parking lot.

Sam furrowed his brow, clearly confused. "Dean…we're the only ones out here."

Dean rolled his eyes and smacked Sam upside the head. "No doofus, the Beast." He said and motioned just ahead to a cream white, four door hard top Impala parked like a quiet ghost in the consuming darkness.

"Oh…" Sam said with his brows raised and I held in the chuckle at his reaction.

"Oh? Just oh?" Dean scoffed and seemed to completely forget the reason why we were out there in the first place. "I point out a classic to you and all you have to say for yourself is, Oh?"

I crossed my arms and shook my head. "Here we go." I muttered under my breath and kept the smirk hidden from my face.

"Dude..." Sam barked in annoyance and turned to stare down into his big brother's eyes. "Don't talk down to me."

"I doubt that's physically possibly." I said under my breath and stood back to watch the chaos ensue.

"First off, not talkin' down to you. Secondly, I'm a little disappointed that you're incapable of appreciating a piece of living history."

Sam gave Dean that 'you're so full of shit' look. "It's a Car, Dean."

Dean bristled reminding me of male pigeon puffing up. "No, it's a classic."

"Be that as it may, it's still a Car." Sam said and crossed his arms.

"Take it back."

Sam quirked a brow. "Take what back?"

"It's not just a Car, it's a classic." Dean said and physically mirrored his brother.

Sam just looked at him. "Dean, you're being childish."

"Say it."

"No. It's a Car, Dean."

"It's a Classic."

"It's a Car."

"Classic."

"Car!"

"Classic!"

When they reached the point of one word arguing I was already across the parking lot.

The door unlocked, I sat inside and turned the ignition. The 350 roared to life causing the brothers to stop in mid yell. I reached over and flipped on the radio. The thundering rhythm of Seether's "Remedy" flooded the quiet night air accompanied by a deep mechanical snarl as I revved the engine.

Their shared expression was priceless.

"You comin', or what?" I hollered over the engine's growl and the blaring sound of the music bleeding through the speakers.

They looked to me, jaws slack with astonishment as I pushed the driver's door wide and stepped out onto the old cracked pavement. "Well?"

*****

Five minutes later, we each held two heavy paper bags apiece and headed away from the 1970 Chevy Impala and back into the motel room.

Dean was still beaming about my relatively new car. "You've had her for over four months now and you didn't think to call?" Dean said and closed the door behind him with the heel of his boot as Sam and myself put the groceries on the small kitchen's table.

"Dean, we've been over this." I said and helped Sam remove the items from the bags. "We've all been busy with the whole Demon Apocalypse thing. Oh and you know what?" I paused as he brought his two bags over to the table. I narrowed my eyes at him. "You could have picked up the phone too."

Dean had a young look on his face as he set down the bags and looked over my shoulder to Sam for support. I knew that Sam was probably giving him that 'you're on your own' look when Dean apprehensively brought his gaze back to mine. "Yea… But you still should have called."

I raised my hands and dropped them to my sides, suddenly finding myself angry. "Fine! Fine…you know what? Never mind." I growled and tore my eyes away from his and focused, rather furiously, on getting the items out of the bags.

I didn't look up when I felt Dean step closer to me only to feel Sam moving in to pull him away. No one said anything, at least not loud enough for me to hear as they moved to another part of the room. I kept my eyes down and didn't look up because I didn't want them to see the burning anger in my eyes as I fought with my emotions.

I was angry because Dean hadn't called…and that I hadn't either. I was angry because I knew damned well that I should have called them every chance I got. It hurt me to know that I could have spent more time with them if I hadn't been so wrapped up in myself. But this was the present, which didn't give a shit about the past. Today was Christmas, and no matter how bad things were, the world continued turning. If the world stopped for every time someone felt like their life was just too hard to deal with, the world would have ended ages ago. So I pushed my self pity into a tiny box and kicked its insignificant ass to the curb. Pettiness was not on my to-do list.

I was so wrapped up in my internal dialogue that I didn't sense Sam's presence when he was suddenly standing in front of me across the small table. I paused and realized that I'd planted my hands, palms down flat, on the table's surface and had my eyes closed. I was a better Hunter then that. My shields were generally securely in place which allowed nothing to get passed me without my energy sensing it like a cat searching the darkness for prey. But right then, I was weak. I hadn't heard their conversation nor Sam as he stood before me.

I really needed to get my shit together. Because if you're a careless Hunter, you end up a very dead one.

I rose up slowly and as I did I regained what was left of my composure. I could feel the cold sensation of calm roll through me which I knew caused my eyes to appear lifeless and empty. To get myself under control, I had to wipe away the emotions to function. The unfortunate side affect, was the little to no expression on my face. It used to bother me when I went to that deep silence… The place I went right before I killed, but now…it was a necessity.

When I met Sam's gaze I saw the shift of concern run deeper as he witnessed my face become stone. "I know you don't want to hear this, but Dean…he has a point." He stopped to search my eyes, his expression soft. "You could have called."

He was right, I didn't want to hear it. But there was nothing I could do about it, so I didn't argue. "True, but the same goes for you too. Both of you." I put up a hand so I could continue. "I'm not arguing the point Sam. So let's drop it and enjoy the rest of the night."

I saw the pain in his eyes when I didn't show any emotion and opened a big bottle of Jack Daniels. Instead of pressing the issue further, he tried a different approach. "Eggnog or Coke?"

His question stopped me from bringing the bottle to my lips. "Eggnog's fine." I said in a quiet voice and watched him hurry off to get the red Dixie cups I purchased and the eggnog from the small fridge. My eyes followed him as he brought everything out in front of me, his face unreadable.

The next few minutes went by in silence as we mixed the whiskey with eggnog and nuked a family sized portion of Stouffer's Mac and Cheese in the small microwave next to the fridge. I'd had a few swigs of the whiskey to get that first initial sting out of the way as I went around placing big portions of the Mac and Cheese in microwave safe bowls for the three of us. I sighed as the alcohol spread through me like a warm wave of comfort, easing the tension in my shoulders that I didn't even know was there.

I sat the boys plates in front of them on the coffee table as they sipped the rather strong eggnog Sam and I had concocted. I went back over to kitchen table, grabbed my plate and cup, and made my way back to the boys. I stood there for a moment but only Sam returned my gaze and motioned for me to sit between them on the couch. Dean however, had his eyes on the Television, doing his best to pretend I wasn't there. Fine, not my problem. Though I'm sure Sam would beg to differ.

I sat, we ate…in silence. So I drained my cup and followed with another…more whiskey, less eggnog. Sam and Dean followed my lead and by the time we'd reached our fourth, plates empty, I was resting my head against Sam's shoulder as the original version of How The Grinch Stole Christmas played on the small Television set. A yawn broke through me and I suddenly found my eyes rather heavy and decided to take a small nap…

Which, of course, didn't last very long.

*****


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"Onyx…Onyx you still with us?" Dean waved his hand in front of my face, and when that didn't work… He poked me, snapping me back to the present. He let out a laugh when I jolted in my seat. "Well! Good morning princess."

I let out a soft growl and glared at him. "Damn it Winchester! I hate it when you do that."

"Oh I'm sorry, did I scare you?" He chimed which only made my urge to hit him stronger. "Easy kitten, you know I'm just playin'."

"Not. Funny." I said slowly through clenched teeth. I really hated being spooked or jolted awake, or both and he damn well knew better, which pissed me off even more.

He smirked, "Aw ya know I luv ya!" And laid a big, wet sloppy kiss on my cheek causing me to jerk back and right into Sam's lap.

"Ass!" I barked and just laid there, staring right up into the ceiling.

Sam's hair feathered around his face in a brown halo when he peered down at me as I allowed my head to rest on his right arm; his left draped gently under my arms, just below my ribcage.

"You alright?" He asked in that soft rumbling voice of his that felt like silk slithering oh so sensually through my ears.

I went to open my mouth to speak but ended up cut short when Dean bent forward, grabbed my legs and draped them across his lap. "Of course she's okay." He said and patted my thighs. I brought my head up just enough to see him grin. "Aren't ya, baby?"

I flopped my head back and groaned. "Child." Then heard Dean let out a deep masculine laugh that sounded a helluva lot more intimate then it should have been. I looked up into Sam's smiling face and frowned. "You're both evil."

He had the balls to look surprised. "What did I do?" He said with a chuckle dancing at the end of his words and brought his left hand up to my forehead and gently brushed a few loose strands of hair away from my eyes.

I sighed and felt a swell of warmth spread out from my stomach. There was possibly a bit more alcohol in our systems then I originally thought because those two were getting giddy and I was becoming more relaxed. From past experience I remembered how goofy Dean would get when he had a good buzz going. Sam on other hand, became more suave. Which was kind of funny when I thought about it. So funny in fact, that I didn't realize I was giggling…out loud.

"What's so funny?" Dean asked and was idly running his hands up and down my legs like it was habit.

I had to fight to breathe between giggles and managed to find my voice... Well, what was left of it. "We're drunk." I said and snorted, falling into another fit of giggles. Oh yea, real smooth.

Oh but thank the gods for their twisted humor, because following my giggles was a burst of drunken laughter from the boys. Yup, this night was getting better and better. At least we weren't sitting in tense silence anymore. Now I was laying across two incredibly good looking Drunks that were being a bit more affectionate with me then usual. The night was definitely about to become more interesting.

Grumbling, I rolled off of the boys and earned a few grunts at my gracefulness across their laps and ended up flat on my back on the carpet. I laughed at my own drunken stupidity and sat up on my elbows. I was pretty buzzed, but not that drunk thankfully. Otherwise I would having been paying homage to the porcelain god and that was so not my idea of a good time.

"How long was I out?" I asked in a softer voice and looked up at their smiling faces.

"Ten minutes, maybe twelve. It's still early in the movie yet, so not very long." Sam replied and seemed to be a bit more together then Dean and myself. "Need any help?" He asked and I waved my hand at him.

"Naw, I think I'm good." I said and plopped back onto the carpet…completely forgetting how gravity works and heard the thud of my skull against the floor rather than felt it. "Ow…"

Dean barked a laugh and Sam snorted but sobered at the painful look on my face. He struggled between giggles and said, "Onyx you okay?" But failed as Dean erupted in laughter and fell off the couch, falling right onto my legs.

I growled and just stared at the ceiling. "All things considered, I've been better." I chimed and found myself laughing despite myself. Drunk, on the floor with Dean's body trembling with laughter on my legs and of course, Sam's sudden burst at how hysterical we looked. Which led to him collapsing onto his brother pinning me right to the floor. Yup, we're some scary Hunters alright.

"Guys, off." I spat through a laugh and felt their combined weight pushing down on my suddenly very full bladder. "Seriously! Off before I piss all over myself."

Saying it like that made them move, but didn't stop the laughter. It only intensified as I rolled onto my side, got a good hold on the side of the couch and pulled myself back onto my feet. Not exactly the most graceful of movements but I was on my feet and stumbling over them as I ventured toward the bathroom. Their joyous voices echoed softly in the background as I locked myself in the bathroom and set out to empty my bladder.

Finished, I flushed the toilet, zipped up my jeans and turned on the faucet. The constant thrumming of the fan and water rushing down into the drain seemed to leave me in a small bubble of ambient noise, bringing me closer to myself and farther from the boys in the other room. I watched the bubbles wash away under the constant stream of water and felt my mind grow just a bit clearer. As though the act of cleansing my hands was also cleansing the effect of the alcohol from my thoughts.

I paused and looked into the mirror at my reflection. My complexion seemed to glow from all the laughing causing my amber hazel eyes to appear even brighter then usual. For a moment, I didn't recognize myself. The person I saw in the mirror appeared flushed with happiness. My hair was in an almost 80's style mess of copper waves that bled into a soft hazelnut brown from my chin up to the roots. That's what I got for trying to bleach my hair. It didn't go blonde, it went a natural copper red. So I left it alone and now I had multi-colored hair that ended well past my ass. Go figure.

I turned off the water, dried my hands, shut off the light along with the fan and left the bathroom. I crept a few feet into the room and looked to the couch where I'd left the boys. There they sat on the floor, table off to the left side toward the front door where they'd obviously moved it so they could stretch their legs out in front of them with their backs up against the couch. The only light in the room came from the make shift Christmas tree and the television set. I gazed at them with my head tilted to the side as the light drenched them in a soft glow, making them appear younger… Creating an illusion of innocence. Even if it wasn't real, just the sight of it brought a faint smile to my lips. They seemed happy, content… Happier then I'd seen them in awhile. I also noted the space between them as though they'd expected me to join them. My smile grew.

"Onyx quick, it's getting to your favorite part." Sam exclaimed and waved me over.

Dean turned to look at me, his eyes bright, his smile warm. "We left you a spot. Now hurry that sweet ass of yours over here before you miss it and we have to hear you bitch about it."

I gave him a look as I closed the short distance and went to step over him when he reached up, grabbed my waist and pulled me down on top of him. Unable to do more then squeak in response, I fell into his arms and before I could sit up or fight back, the breath left my lungs when his mouth crushed mine in what could only be described as devastating. I felt my heart explode in my chest like a hummingbird trapped in a cage. I couldn't think, couldn't breath. My head felt empty and the only thing I could hear was static as his lips opened slightly, brushing against mine and then he pulled away.

My eyes opened wide and for a moment, all I could see was the heavy look in his gaze causing the green to seem brighter some how. I swallowed, the static lifting from my ears and before I knew what I was doing I jerked away from him as though he'd burned me and crawled backwards as far as I could go before my back hit the wall. Breath ragged, I felt the panic slam into my pores and I was suddenly very aware of how helpless he'd made me. For just a split second he had taken down my walls and overpowered me by his kiss.

Sam's eyes were wide as he looked from Me to his brother and then back to the terrified look on my face. I let my eyes go to Dean and on his face was an expression of mixed emotions. As though he wasn't happy with himself but also hurt by my reaction. Hell I wasn't happy with my reaction either but he had no right to kiss me like that…especially not in front of Sam. Actually, he had no right to kiss me period. When the thought hit my brain I started to feel an old emotion boil to the surface. Panic has never been my favorite feeling, but anger…that was entirely different. I had survived on anger for the better part of my young existence and it's the one thing that's always kept me grounded, kept my head clear and focused. But when you add alcohol to the equation…it becomes a whole new animal. One, that I never wanted them to see.

"Onyx, I…" Dean started to say and I threw my hands up in front of me, silencing him.

"No." I said but my voice came out wounded…and in a real sense, I had been. I didn't want to talk right then. I wasn't in a good mental state to have a logical conversation. All I wanted to do was hide, to protect myself. An old defense that I'd acquired when I was a child. Abuse will do that to a person.

I got up on shaky legs, walked behind the couch putting as much distance between us as possible, snatched my jacket from a chair closest to the bed and went for the front door. I didn't stop to see if they were going to follow me. I just needed fresh air…and I was dying for a smoke.

Once outside, the cool air a slap against my flustered face, I pulled a pack from the pocket of my jacket, placed a cigarette between my lips and put the pack back into the pocket. After a few seconds of frantic digging, I found my lighter and brought it to my lips. With a skilled flip of my thumb on the zippo, the flame appeared and I inhaled greedily, taking as much smoke into my lungs as possible and then exhaled a huge twisting cloud into the still night air above my head.

I heard the door open and close behind me, but I ignored it. I closed my eyes and took another drag of the freshly lit cigarette, inhaling slower the second time around and let it out in a rushing sigh.

"Those will kill you, you know."

"And?" I replied, my eyes still closed. "We all die eventually."

I heard Dean shift on his feet behind me when he said, "can I bum one?"

That made me open my eyes. "Say again?" I said and turned to look at him.

He gave me his best bland expression, one that he knew would shield him from me emotionally. "What?"

"Dean…" My brow furrowed as I stared him square in the eye. "You don't smoke."

He smirked and narrowed his eyes. "How would you know? You haven't been around in what…almost a year?"

The statement stung more then I let show in my eyes. "Fine." I reached into my pocket, found the pack and pulled one out for him. "Here." I handed him the fresh cig and watched in silence as he brought out his zippo and lit it like he'd done it so many times before. He inhaled deeply, which any smoker could tell you was not something a non-smoker could do and exhale as though it was normalcy. He didn't even flinch, which told me that he had indeed taken up my bad habit.

"When'd you start smoking?"

He exhaled a long cloud of vapor and slipped his left hand into his jean pocket. "Few months ago, off and on."

I collected my thoughts and inwardly made a point to keep my voice as cold and as empty as he was acting towards me. "Was that before or after you pitched a deal with a crossroads demon?"

Dean studied my face for a moment. "Why does it matter?"

He was baiting me on purpose. Bastard. "It doesn't." I said in a flat voice and took another drag of my cig and flicked the ash to the pavement. "I thought you were smarter then that."

"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" He said with a tone that told me I'd hit a soft spot. Good. He wanted to play games, he shouldn't have picked on me. I'm an expert at mind games, comes with being female.

"You weren't supposed to go and pick up bad habits just because your time is running out." As soon as I said it…a part of me wished I hadn't. But the anger was at the wheel and part of me wanted a fight. "You should be trying to find a way out of this Dean, not speed up the process." Low of me? Yes, but I was tired of not knowing what was really going through everyone's mind. I was tired of playing make believe when I knew that tomorrow he'd be closer to six-feet-under.

I felt his anger radiate from his aura before I had a chance to take a step back because he was suddenly right in front of me. Arm loose at my sides, my right hand still holding my cigarette, I just…looked at him. And being this close, able to feel his hot breath across my face, I could see the hurt in his eyes burning like emerald fire behind the hazel. As if it were waiting to explode against the hazel that caged its fury.

I searched those angry depths and planted my feet firmly on the ground. I would not bend, I would not be moved. He could kiss my stubborn ass if he thought otherwise. "Did I hit a nerve, Winchester?" I purred and smiled but I knew it wasn't a pleasant one. "That's it, isn't it?"

I watched the line of his beautiful jaw twitch as he clenched his teeth. I watched his nostrils flare as he sucked in a ragged breath, probably trying to keep his temper down. And when he spoke, it wasn't a voice I'd ever thought he'd use against me. "You have no fucking place to talk to me like that, Onyx. None." He was as controlled as I'd ever seen him, but he was strained…as if he was losing that battle with that nasty temper of his.

There was a steady cloud of steam flowing up from our heads and I knew it had nothing to do with our burning cigarettes. "I have no place? Excuse you?" I snarled in a quiet voice, the one I used when all I wanted to do was scream. "Do you have any fucking idea what it did to me when I found out? Do you! Did Sam tell you that I screamed myself hoarse for nearly fifteen minutes?" The film of red over my vision was a warning that my temper had found its boiling point. "Do you have any idea how many hours I've spent crying over this? Over You?"

I'd forgotten about my cigarette as it lay burning to nothing more then ash at my feet. I'd forgotten about the cold, about the darkness surrounding us. All I could think or feel was that my anger was very close to becoming tears…and the reason for it was a mere breath away from me, his eyes softer suddenly…thoughtful.

Dean flicked his cigarette off into the parking lot and took just a small step closer to me, completely invading my personal space. He said nothing. He looked to his feet, nodded then brought his eyes to mine. I waited in that awful silence as he searched my gaze. "You didn't call… We had no idea if you were still alive." His voice, though deep and raspy, was softened by the faintest of emotion. "No one knew where you were…"

"Why didn't you call me?" I asked and felt the pain slither through my chest. "Anytime, and you know I would have picked up." I sighed and knew there was no winning in this argument. "Okay, look… We both fucked up, alright? Past is past."

"This isn't something you can just write off, Onyx." Dean replied and I could see a slight sheen in his eyes. "You can't run from this."

"I'm right here aren't I?" I spread my arms out for emphasis. "I'm here, I'm not running." I dropped my arms and sighed. "Doesn't that count for something?"

He swallowed like he was swallowing back his words, took a deep breath and was suddenly very serious. Shit. "Yes, it counts that you're still here… But why did you freak when I kissed you?"

Oh…well, that explains his odd behavior. "Dean…" I started to speak when he shook his head and took my hands in his, making me stop.

"I know we've… Never, you know." He said softly as if afraid of his own voice.

I nodded and swallowed the hard lump of anxiety. "I know."

"So why not?"

I blinked at him. A long slow blink followed by two faster blinks as my brain tried to wrap itself around what he was asking. "Wait…are you suggesting that we…?"

"Haven't you ever thought about it?" Dean asked and squeezed my hands gently for emphasis and I felt my mouth go dry. "About…us?"

What the hell do you say to that? Lie? Of course not… But I couldn't tell him the truth either. Was I supposed to stand there while he looked at me with those wounded eyes and tell him that I'd thought about it a lot, but I also thought about Sam in the same light? Wouldn't that put a bridge between them? That because they couldn't both have me, we should all be miserable? I didn't want to hurt him, either of them. I loved them both equally, as well as lusted, longed and dreamt of them. Wasn't that selfish of me? You can't have your cake and eat it too…right?

I could feel the migraine starting just behind my eyes. "I can't talk about this Dean…"

I felt him tense. "And why not? Afraid of how I'll take it if you actually talk to me?"

I gave him a look. "What's with the communicating? You're the one person I wouldn't expect this from."

"Maybe I've learned that sometimes you have to get shit out in the open or it'll tear you apart." Dean said with a hint of a smile on his lips and I just shook my head.

"You're real piece of work, you know that?" I scoffed softly still shaking my head at him.

"Piece of work no, but I have been called a sweet piece of ass." The infamous Winchester grin. "Or so I've been told."

He laughed when I rolled my eyes at him. "So what's the real reason we haven't…you know."

"Bumped uglies?" I said and he laughed.

"Yea, bumped uglies."

I sighed. "Well… You want the honest to god truth?"

"That's why it's called communicating." Dean retorted and grinned when I shook my head at him. "Alright, enough with my sarcasm." He went serious again. "Yes, I want the honest to god truth."

Oh boy…this was seriously going to suck. "Okay… The truth." I looked away, out into the darkness that flooded the parking lot and brought my eyes back to his. "Truth… I… I've always thought about us in that…light."

"Why do I feel a 'But' coming?" Dean stated and was watching me very closely.

Deep breath, I needed to take a deep breath. "But, I feel the same about…Sammy." Oh god I said it. I opened my mouth and out came the truth. It's supposed to make you feel better, right? What a load of horseshit. I felt like crawling into my own eyeballs that's how small I felt. The truth will set you free, my ass.

I wanted to look away, but I didn't. I looked into those eyes and waited for judgment. I waited as the silence spilled on and my own pulse began to thunder in my eardrums. Me, scared? Nonsense. Try fucking terrified.

"Both of us, huh?" He said and all I could do was nod while worrying the inside of my bottom lip with my teeth. "Onyx, stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Biting your bottom lip. You're going to slice it open." Dean replied and his right hand was suddenly there at my mouth, his thumb gently brushing along my lower lip.

My chest tightened out of anxiety as his eyes followed the movement of his thumb across my trembling lip. Sooo not helping.

His eyes drifted slowly back to mine and they were different somehow, heavier as they peered into me, through me as though I were a pane of glass. Then he spoke and his voice…oh god his voice was like liquid desire dripping through my veins…engulfing my blood in white fire. "I'm going to make you a deal." Dean began and licked his lips slowly, deliberately so my eyes would have to follow the movement.

He gave me a lazy smile. "Still with me?" I narrowed my eyes at him and he chuckled. "Just makin' sure."

"A deal?" He nodded and I gave him a suspicious glare. "What kind of deal, exactly." I had a feeling I wasn't going to like where this conversation was headed.

He bent his head closer to mine, his lips so dangerously close to mine… So close that a hard thought would have made us touch. "I get you to myself first…" He growled in a whisper and very lightly trailed his full lips across mine, causing my pulse to become a rapid thudding in my head. "Just us, alone…and then you can have your way with Sam. How does that sound?"

Did he just say what I think he said? Wait…what?! I couldn't think straight. If I did, I'm pretty sure my brain would have exploded. "You want to have me first…that's what your saying?" My voice wasn't even a voice, it was a sad attempt at a whisper.

He searched my eyes as his hands found themselves resting on my hips. "You're quick on the draw." He mused in that husky growl and I had to close my eyes to get my bearings. "Yes baby…" My eyes opened at that and I felt my breath catch. "That's what I want."

Shit…shit…shit! "If I say yes…" My voice was breathy so I tried again. "We have to discuss this with Sammy first."

"Already did."

My jaw dropped. "Say again?"

He seemed to think about it for a moment. "Well, a few nights ago… Me and Sam had a little talk."

I was still just gaping at him. "And?" My brain really wanted to explode.

"We came to an agreement that if this topic ever came up, that I'd have first dibs."

That pissed me off. "First dibs?" I said with a hint of disgust and glared at him. "Is that it? You called dibs and Sammy gets sloppy seconds?"

A hint of panic touched his eyes. "Onyx that's not what I meant…"

I jerked away from him. "Oh no you don't, because we both know that's exactly what you meant."

"I would never think of you as sloppy seconds." I heard Sam say and spun toward the door to our motel room and saw him standing there, hands in his pockets. "And no, this has nothing to with him being the oldest."

I blinked, opened my mouth…then closed it and took a step back. "How long have you been standing there." My head was spinning and it had nothing to do with the fading alcohol in my blood.

Sam appeared uncomfortable and gave my an apologetic look. "Long enough."

I brought angry eyes to his. "How Long."

Dean answered for him. "Since we squared off."

I was shaking and it wasn't from the cold. My brain was so full of confusion I was starting to wonder if I was going blow a major blood vessel. I didn't know what to say to them. They had planned this… This whole thing…was just a way to get me out here so Dean could get to me first. Suddenly everything became very calm. My anger had reached a whole new level and I was done with being nice.

I started laughing… Not the happy kind either, more of the 'I've just completely snapped' kind. Needless to say it threw the boys one hell of an emotional curve ball. "So that's what this is." I choked between giggles and looked from one puzzled face to the other. "You get me out here so Dean can have me as what, his Christmas Wish? Is that it?" The humor was gone leaving me with only the heat of my rage as comfort. "I'm just here to appease your fucking libido?"

"Onyx, please take it easy… Let us explain." Sam was pleading with me to listen but I was already too far gone.

"No. Because I'm not a fucking whore." I growled and let the pain show on my face. "I thought better of you two… I guess I was wrong."

Dean closed the distance between us, grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. "Onyx God Damn it, Shutup for a fucking second."

I clenched my jaws shut and gave him the 'go ahead' look with a raise of my brows.

"You're not a prize, alright? So get it out of your head." Dean explained as Sam walked up behind him, so I could see them both. "And Sam's right, I didn't call dibs because I'm the oldest, even if that's how it's always been, but it's not."

"What Dean's getting at Onyx, is…" Sam caught my glare and hesitated at the intensity of it.

"It's…my dying wish."

"You're kidding me, right?" I couldn't believe it. This had to be contrived. "Fucking me is your dying wish, Dean?" Even hearing myself say it sounded like pure bullshit. But Dean's face was serious. Shit… "Tell me you're kidding."

There was an emotion on Dean's face that broke my heart. "I'm not."

I gave him a puzzled look and turned my gaze to Sam's face and felt the shock slide across my face when I heard Sam add. "We're not lying Onyx."

My brain wouldn't except it. "Wait, why? Me? Of all the women you could have right now, you choose me? That makes about as much sense as saying you kill demons because they smell bad. You kill them because they are fucking evil, and they smell bad. So in essence, you can screw as many women right now to your hearts' desire and I would just be another name on the list!"

"Hey! Would ya shut the hell up over there! Some of us wanna get some damned sleep!"

I turned and saw a middle-aged man, standing around five foot nine with a dirty off white muscle shirt stretched thin over a huge bear gut. His skin was a mess of splotches with a lovely sheen of sweat from not bathing on a regular basis. The frown on his round face caused his beady eyes to appear a dull gray in the yellow light of the patio.

I just glared at him. "Fuck off."

"You gotta problem, little girl?"

Dean stepped up protectively with Sam in tow. "We'll have a problem if you don't turn around and go back inside."

The man snorted. "And what, you gonna make me?"

I laughed, a harsh and abrupt sound that made his face fill with confusion. "I'll tell you what… Since its Christmas, I'm going to give you a choice. You can either walk away and go back into your motel room… Or…"

The guys gave me a questioning look, probably afraid that I'd take my anger out on the dumb ass taunting us.

"Onyx…" The way my name drifted from Dean's lips was a warning to watch myself from doing something stupid.

"Onyx, let's just go inside." Sam added and held a tension in his shoulders as he stood next to his brother.

The fat man ignored the boys and glared at me with his beady eyes. "Or what?"

I reached into my jacket and pulled my favorite seven inch blade from the black, soft leather holster just under my left arm. The talon curve of the blade gleamed silver in the dim light as I held it out in front of me with a twisted smile on my lips. "The alternative."

His beady eyes sparkled with terror as a few beads of sweat began to form over his brow. "You're full of shit."

The smile never left my face as I went to step forward, only to be stopped as Sam and Dean stood in front of me. "No sir, she's not." Dean said and stood to my right, careful to stay close in case I tried to lung forward.

"I think it's best you went inside." Sam stated in a flat tone and remained to my left like a wall of flesh. I guess they knew me too well.

The man looked from me to the boys, his small eyes frantic. "She's bluffing."

Dean stepped forward, closer to fat-man, farther from me. "Go back inside."

"You can't tell me what to do, this is a free country." Fat-man spat trying to look menacing but failing. "Just 'cuz she's got a knife doesn't mean shit."

"My god, are you really this stupid?" I barked and felt the boys tense. I could feel the calm enter my veins, causing my emotions to leak away and my voice to become low and deep. "Go back into your fucking motel room."

When he didn't move, my arm flew up and the blade found itself lodged an inch into the wall just a few hairs away from his head. I smiled. "Is that clear enough?"

He was gone and back into his motel room before I made it to the wall to retrieve my blade.

"Smooth Onyx… Real smooth." Dean said in a flat voice and met me at our motel room door. "What the hell was that?"

"He needed some incentive." I replied calmly and slipped the blade back into the holster under my arm and pulled my jacket close. "Oh don't look at me like that."

Dean wasn't happy with me, and by the look on Sam's face, he wasn't either. "That was incredibly stupid, Onyx." Dean stated and crossed his arms.

"He's not going to call the cops, if that's what you mean."

Sam's brow shot up. "Onyx, you just threatened him with a knife."

I sighed, "I saw him pull up earlier tonight when I first got here. He's got a very young lady friend with him that I believe would be a very hard thing to explain to the police if they showed up."

Dean quirked a brow at me and peered over my shoulder where sure enough, a young face peaked through the crème colored blinds of the window and disappeared once she realized we'd spotted her.

"And I doubt she's eighteen." I added and saw the horror touch their faces.

"An underage prostitute…" Sam said softly and I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was thoroughly disgusted.

"Besides…" I trailed off and opened the door. "I needed to blow off some steam." I said and vanished inside, leaving the boys to stew in what just happened.

*****


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

I was lying back on the queen-sized bed closest to the door when the boys finally walked back in. My jacket, shoes and blade holster were lying on the floor next to me as Dean closed and locked the door behind him. The look on their faces made me sit up.

"Onyx, have you ever considered medication?"

I blinked at Dean's question. "You think I'm bipolar?"

Sam sat down on the edge of the bed. "You've gone through a few emotional extremes since you've been here…"

"I'm female and strongly empathic. I'm overly sensitive to everything around me, and when I don't vent like I should, I tend to have mood swings." I said as if it explained everything but they weren't convinced. Figures. "Add alcohol to the equation and I'm going to react more impulsively."

"Try psychotic." Dean muttered under his breath and earned a glare. "Hey, I call it like I see it."

"You've got some nerve, Winchester." I growled and sat up straighter, my arms folded tight beneath my breasts. "You expect me to act rational after you tell me you not only want to have sex with me, but you want to be first in line because it's your dying wish." I said and felt the pain in my chest. "You both knew about this without even considering how it would effect me. How the hell am I supposed to react?"

Sam made his thoughtful scrunchy face and worried the inside of his bottom lip while Dean shifted uncomfortably on his feet. They both looked guilty.

"We've had a great thing going, just the three of us. Sure the thought of being closer to you two on a more intimate level has more than once crossed my mind, but I never wanted to complicate things." I explained, my voice increasingly softer as I spoke. "I was worried of how it would effect you two as brothers if I mentioned I had feelings for you, both of you." I sighed and looked down. "I didn't want to cause a rift between you guys."

They'd known I'd cared about them, but I doubt they knew to what extent. Well, now they did and I wasn't sure what was going to happen. First off, the alcohol that made me relax had started to fade and secondly… I wasn't sure I was up for just having sex with Dean just to appease his so-called dying wish. Call me childish, but no matter how much I loved him, I wanted it to mean something. I didn't want to be another thing on his do-list.

And Sam…he was okay with it? Somehow that just rubbed me the wrong way. Sam was the first of the Winchester's to approach me. He was interested in Me while Dean was off looking to get laid. Sam had always been the comforting warmth while Dean was the unmovable stone. They anchored me. They were opposites that fit me like two pieces of a puzzle I hadn't known were missing in my life. Yet, I noticed a slight difference in Sam when he called me out of the blue recently. It was almost as though his energy wasn't quite the same… As if something had changed in him but I couldn't pin point it. Maybe when he was brought back…something went wrong. I don't know, maybe I was overanalyzing this… But I couldn't shake the feeling that something deep inside of Sam had changed.

The silence had drifted on as Dean went from standing close to Sam, to sitting on the other side of bed to my right. I didn't look at either of them, I think I was just too embarrassed.

"You know Onyx…" I brought my eyes up to meet Dean's solemn expression. "You don't have to… We don't have to…"

"I know." I said softly and could see how hard this was on Dean. It was hard on all of us.

"And… whatever decision you make, I'll be okay with it."

"We," Sam added while looking to Dean and then brought his eyes to me. "We'll be okay with it."

Seeing the look on their faces and hearing the sincerity in their words… I didn't know if I had it in me to say no. How could I? They were offering me the one thing I'd always thought about…and still I found a way to pick at it. Found a way to make it wrong, digging to see if I could find the imperfections and say, 'Ah ha! See? I was right!' so that I wouldn't find myself getting hurt. I don't know if I could handle getting my heart broken… Not again.

"Guys…if I decide to do this, how will…" I didn't get to finish my sentence when Sam interjected.

"I'd find something to do for a few hours."

My brow quirked at the statement. "Find something to do? It's Christmas and nothing is open. You can't sit in the car either… Unless you've already booked another room." Sam had the decency to look embarrassed. "Wow…you two really planned this one out, didn't you?"

Sam ran a nervous hand through his hair as Dean coughed and shifted uncomfortably on the other side of the bed. Ain't guilt a wonderful thing?

"Well, I guess you should get to doing whatever is you plan on doing, Sam." I stated softly and felt my anxiety ripple through my spine.

"You sure?" Sam asked and I gave him a small smile.

"Yea… I'm sure." I said and wondered if I was really ready for this…

They exchanged a look as Sam got up, grabbed his lap top and went for the door. He paused, "I'll have my phone on me… You know, just in case."

I nodded and watched as he hesitantly left the room and closed the door quietly behind him… Leaving Dean and myself…alone. Oh god…

I was looking off in the distance, focusing on nothing when I felt the bed shift followed by a wave of heat. I blinked and practically froze when Dean's warm palm pressed gently against the top of my hand and carefully, entwined his fingers with mine. The gesture made me bring my eyes to his.

"You know that we don't have to do this Onyx. I don't want you to feel…pressured."

I knew the faint smile on my face wasn't all that pleasant. "It's a little late for that, don't you think?"

Dean let out a sigh of frustration. "Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"You're acting like this is some kind of burden for you." He said and shifted closer so he was facing me. "If you stopped picking at it for a second, maybe you'd realize that this isn't just about sex."

I wasn't convinced. "It isn't?"

"God damn it Onyx." He grumbled and slapped his free hand to his forehead, took a deep breath and peered at me from under his hand. After a moment of searching my eyes he removed his hand from his face and said. "Fine, I'll show you."

"Show me wha…" I didn't complete the thought when his mouth crushed mine and his hands found themselves on either side of my face, leaving me speechless. All the worries and fears I held inside were no longer existent as the weight of his kiss caused me to fall back against the stiff mattress.

And he was right… I felt it the moment his body pressed down against mine, his kiss a sweet and gentle thing… I could feel the energy of his body spill into me as though he were feeding me his soul from his very lips. I could feel it weaving into me, wrapping gently around the fibers of my heart and knew… This had nothing to do with sex. He was offering me something that I never could have asked for.

I returned the kiss with a silent fury and heard a deep rumble in response as his hands found their way to the bottom of my shirt. I arched my back as he pulled the shirt up and over my head and tossed it off to the side. His mouth moved from my lips to the nape of my neck and I shuddered as his hands expertly unfastened my jeans and started tugging. I let out a soft laugh as he sat up, removed his shirt in one swift movement and went back to pulling the snug jeans from my lower half. For a moment I lost all sense of myself at the sight of all those beautiful muscles working just beneath his tanned flesh when he got my feet free and tossed the jeans to the floor.

I turned bright red when I saw the look of pleasant surprise on his face. "Commando?" He mused and I felt the heat rising in my cheeks. His features softened as he leaned down, left a soft kiss on my lips and whispered, "sexy." Before sliding off the bed. I watched him with curious eyes as he quickly unfastened his jeans, pulled them down and looked at me.

My eyes widened. "Oh…" Was all I could say as he stood there naked before me and apparently…very happy to see me. And I mean, Very happy.

Dean climbed back on the bed and very slowly, started to crawl towards me. He moved with a languid grace, as though dangerous in his own flesh, and as I laid there, I watched as his shoulders dipped and rolled making him appear like a large feline predator stalking toward its prey.

My breath caught in my chest as his hips pressed ever so gently against mine, the heat of him teasing me as his eyes peered down at me with a hunger I never knew he possessed. "Sit up." He said in a low, deep rumbling voice and I had no other choice but to comply. Once I was sitting half way up, he leaned forward and reached an arm around, hand against my back. Before I thought to ask his fingers found the clasp in my bra strap and once again, expertly unhooked the strap allowing the material to cling loosely against my breasts. He helped me free myself of the barrier and dropped it to the floor next to the bed.

There we were, exposed for all to see and yet hidden from the world itself. A sudden feeling of terror spilled into my mind as I realized how utterly vulnerable I was. Dean must have seen it in my eyes because he brought his lips to mine in a tender kiss, as though silently reassuring me that I was safe.

"It's okay…" He growled against my mouth and without warning, pushed himself forward, filling me with the very heat of his need.

A strangled whimper flew away from my lips at the sudden sensation of our bodies locked together. Dean let out a groan somewhere deep within his throat at the feeling of my body tightly clamped around him. I hadn't meant to, but it had been a very long time…and, well…I was naturally tight to begin with.

A part of my brain couldn't believe what was happening. Dean was above me, arms wrapped around me, his face buried in my neck as though he was trying to soak me in from the inside out. I felt the sting of tears and choked back a shaky breath. I couldn't lose it now. Not when he was being so incredibly gentle. I didn't want him to think I was freaking out when it was just my feelings trying to swell to the surface.

He brought his face to mine and peered into my eyes. That's when my heart shattered. A tear, shimmering and bloated with emotion, spilled from his left eye and trickled a path of moisture down his cheek.

"Hey…" I said in a whisper, brought my hands to gently cup his face and pulled his head down to kiss the bridge of his nose, just between his brow. I closed my eyes, lips still lightly brushing his flesh and whispered, "it's okay."

"I've waited for so long…" His voice was a strangled growl as he brought his tear filled eyes to mine. "I should have told you sooner…" He said between a few feather like kisses and paused to catch his breath.

"Tell me what?" I asked softly as his right hand brushed the side of my face, his fingers like heaven against my skin.

A slow yet gradual smile began to devour the sadness in his face as it reached his eyes. "This." Dean said in a whisper, brought his mouth to mine and my heart stopped. With just the slightest movement of his hips, he began rolling into me. The feeling of being filled wouldn't have done it justice as he moved so carefully above me, as though wanting the ecstasy of our bodies rolling in and out of each other to be stretched on into an eternity. The delicious sensation of him so deep inside caused my legs to wrap firmly around his hips, urging him deeper…

He rose up just enough to flash a smile. "Let me savor you," he growled in that husky voice and left a kiss on my chin. "Fill you," he growled against my throat as his lips ventured to the big pulse in my neck. His teeth grazed the sensitive flesh causing a whimpered moan to escape me and whispered, "let me love you." With that last growl his teeth sank home, not enough to draw blood, but deep enough to leave his mark and to unleash a flood of tears from my eyes.

Slowly he moved, hitting a spot deep inside no one had ever touched. His mouth against my flesh, biting, nibbling as he made his way from one side of my neck to the other. Eyes clenched shut, sensations overpowering me, I felt his lips kiss the tears away from my eyes and whimpered.

Dean's hips stayed at a steady rhythm and I heard myself whimpering as he found the very spot that would throw me over the edge of oblivion itself. "Dean…" Was all that I could say as the swell of ecstasy started to build. Started to flood through me, choking my voice and leaving me to hold onto something solid, something real. If Dean wasn't with me, guiding me through this sea of sensation… I would have drowned.

My body arched against him, begging for that sweet release, that beautiful moment of suspended reality only climax can bring… When his rhythm changed. It was deeper, harder, filling me in a way no one ever had, pressing me hard against the bed, our flesh slick with sweat, panting… Starving for sweet release.

It felt like an eternity had gone by when a small spark ignited my womb in a tickling wave of white hot fire. I gasped, dug my nails into his back and lost all sense of reality. My body went rigid as the first explosive waves of orgasm swept over me, through me, and seemed to fall back into Dean, causing his body to slam into me. The ecstasy crashed over us like some terrible storm of sensation slamming against some distant shore.

That's when it happened…

A blinding surge of light erupted in the back of my skull as our energy's rose and crashed against each other like too titans clashing swords. My mind swam, my soul roared and I could feel Dean's power swim through me like a wave of warm velvet behind my eyes. I felt suddenly weightless…no longer empty but at peace…

He'd brought me heaven…

*****

My eyes fluttered open to the sight of Dean curled up in front of me… Sound asleep. I couldn't help the smile on my face at how peaceful he looked. I sat up, pressed a light kiss to his forehead and slipped out of bed. Surprisingly, he didn't move. Which meant I'd exhausted him. Good… He needed the break.

A little shaky on my feet, I managed to gather my clothes and snuck into the bathroom for a quick shower.

The heat of the shower felt good against my tired flesh, easing the tension from my shoulders and lower back.

Once sated, I got out, dried off and got dressed. Before I left the bathroom, I peered at my reflection and smirked. Except for the small bite mark at the hollow on the left side of my neck, I actually looked okay. Actually…I was glowing. I shook my head, flipped off the light and stepped back into the room. Dean was still passed out, the sheets tangled around his lower body, giving him an almost Greek god appearance. The thought made me chuckle as I crossed the room, grabbed my jacket and very quietly, made my way onto the patio for some fresh air.

Once outside I fished my phone out of my jacket and sent Sam a text to meet me out front.

Within about a minute of sending the message, I heard the familiar footfalls approaching me from the very end of the motel. I turned and gave him a smile. "That was fast." I mused as he stood next to me, his big hands dipped into the pockets of his jacket. "I was almost afraid that you'd be asleep."

"I couldn't sleep." Sam replied in a quiet tone and tried to hide his emotions from reaching his eyes. "You…okay?" He asked and I shrugged.

"Yea… I'm okay. I can't say the same for Dean." I said and watched a small glint of worry dance through Sam's eyes. I chuckled. "He's passed out."

"Oh." He said with a laugh and cleared his throat, the smile still playing on his lips.

I studied him for a moment, the lines in his face, the color of his hazel green eyes. I sighed, "you must think I'm awful."

He gave me that long blink and furrowed his brow. "What makes you say that?"

"Sam, don't play coy… I know it's bothering you that…" I couldn't finish the sentence. Not with the pained look in his eyes.

He searched my face for a moment and took a step closer to me, his eyes piercing. "Hey, we went over this remember?" Sam paused and took my hands in his. "I don't think any less of you."

Talk about a real mind screw. "I don't get it." I said and watched his brows knit together in question. "You guys planned this out, knowing it would screw with me… And you're okay with it? Sam, don't you think I'm disgusting?"

He shook his head and pulled me close to his chest, wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "No baby, I don't." Hearing him say that made me bury my face against his chest, as though trying to hide myself inside the warmth of his embrace.

"After what I did…how could you want me." I whispered against his warmth and felt him ease back enough to place his fingers beneath my chin and brought my head up to meet his gaze.

"Onyx, Dean and I…agreed that no matter what, we'd take care of you. Even if it meant…"

"Sharing me?" I said the words he couldn't and watched him give a slow nod. "When did this happen?"

"After the last time we all spent time together. I had brought it up… But we didn't really discuss it until a few months ago."

That must have been after Sam's death and the deal Dean had made to save him. Interesting how a man's perspective can change when he's seen loss first hand.

"So… You're both okay with sharing me…" A headache was forming behind my eyes. "God this is like an episode out of one of those 90's programs on MTV."

"Except without the drama." Dean said from behind me and I turned my face to look at him. He gave me a lazy smile. "You okay with having us as your boy toys?"

When he put it that way… "What woman in her right mind, would refuse such an offer?" I said, mirroring the smile they shared and chuckled. "This has been such a weird Christmas."

"You're tellin' me." Sam chimed softly and Dean snorted back a laugh.

"Oh and speaking of Christmas…" Dean began and motioned for me to take his hand. "I thought you'd like to know that The Grinch will be playing on Tv again in the next ten minutes."

I walked forward and took the offered hand in mine, paused and offered my free hand to Sam. "You up for sitting on the couch?" I asked with a smile on my face and watched his eyes sparkle.

"Actually," he took my hand and smiled. "That doesn't sound like such a bad idea."

Hand in hand, the three of us filed back into the room, took our places on the couch and enjoyed How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

And all I can tell you…is that it was the best gift a girl could ever ask for.

**  
-The End-**


End file.
